Friday, June 8, 2012

Love the One You're With

After having seen Prometheus I now have some spoiler-free advice for filmmaking.

  1. No movie should start more than three times.
  2. Do not make references to Stephen Stills or Stephen Stills' squeezebox ever.
  3. If you find that any of your terrifying alien creatures look like Jar-Jar Binks, rethink your design.
  4. When you have characters standing open-jawed and looking at some visual effects in wonder, you've lost the dramatic tension in the scene.
  5. Do not keep replaying part of the Star Trek theme over and over. Please. For the love of all that's holy.

10 comments:

Jeff Wills said...

Yeah, but was it good?

Andrew Bellware said...

Spoiler: no.

Jeff Wills said...

That was not enough of a spoiler alert. You need to have at least one carriage return there.

See?

Andrew Bellware said...

It.

Sucked.

Kangas said...

Muther FUCKER. I posted, but google gave me a fuckin' error because I don't want to add my mobile number to my google account.

FUCK YOU GOOGLE! You WILL NOT have my phone number!

Anyway, as I said--I read your Prometheus script, and doesn't it start like 5 times? NAILED!

Didn't hate the movie, but was pretty disappointed.

Andrew Bellware said...

We re-start the middle, not the beginning! ;-)
And there's no Jar-Jar in ours. ;-)

Chance Shirley said...

"No movie should start more than three times."

Seriously. This might be the biggest problem with modern filmmaking, an obsession with over-explaining everything.

I mean, Prometheus is a PREQUEL with TWO UNNECESSARY PROLOGUES.

And the Star Trek remake started with the BIRTHS of Kirk and Spock.

(And those are examples from movies I kind of like. Don't even get me started on shit like the Star Wars prequels or the Matrix sequels or...)

Andrew Bellware said...

Chance: yeah, welcome to the age of big-budget movies being like TV in the 70's. ;-)
(And to the age of TV being the high-end rarefied auteur's medium).
Plus, why did David infect the dude's drink? And how would he know that would work?

Nat said...

Rule #4 just make Steven Spielberg cry. Way to go, Drew.

Andrew Bellware said...

Hee!